Self-help

Reflecting on my journey, there are some recommendations I would offer to my younger self, especially considering my move to Toronto when I didn't trust anyone enough to share my story, choosing instead to keep it all inside. It's essential to challenge the sense of helplessness and isolation that often accompanies trauma. Traumatic experiences can leave you feeling powerless and vulnerable, but it's crucial to remind yourself that you possess strengths and coping skills that can help you navigate tough times. While some suggest joining support groups, it's understandable that sharing in such a setting might not be appealing.

Guilt and shame are emotions that can persist long after the traumatic event. They tend to resurface even years later. It's important to understand that during the assault, you were in a state of shock, and your brain and body weren't functioning normally. You couldn't think clearly and might have felt "frozen." There's no need to judge yourself for this natural response to trauma. You did your best under extreme circumstances, and if you could have stopped the assault, you undoubtedly would have.

It's also essential to recognize that you trusted someone you perhaps shouldn't have, which is particularly challenging to cope with following an assault by someone you knew. It's natural to question yourself and wonder if you missed warning signs. However, remember that your attacker is solely to blame. You shouldn't blame yourself for assuming your attacker was a decent human being. The guilt and shame should rest squarely on your attacker's shoulders, not yours.

One common aftermath of trauma is experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories. These symptoms often occur in the months immediately following the assault and, in some cases, persist in the long term, leading to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). To manage the stress of flashbacks and distressing memories, there are several strategies:

1. Anticipate and prepare for triggers: Identify common triggers, such as anniversary dates or specific people or places connected to the assault, to better understand and manage your reactions.

2. Pay attention to your body's signals: Recognize the physical and emotional cues that indicate increasing stress and feelings of unsafety.

3. Self-soothe: When you notice these symptoms, act swiftly to calm yourself down. Slowing your breathing can be one of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety and panic.

While it may not always be possible to prevent flashbacks, you can take steps to address them:

• Acknowledge that it's a flashback, not reality, and reassure yourself that you survived the traumatic event.

• Ground yourself in the present by using techniques like tapping, touching your arms, or describing your current environment.

Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual and ongoing process that doesn't happen overnight, and the memories may never entirely disappear. Coping with residual symptoms and reducing anxiety and fear involves:

• Allowing yourself to rest and restore your body's balance, avoiding overworking, and practicing relaxation techniques like meditation and yoga.

• Being mindful of media consumption, avoiding content that could trigger bad memories or flashbacks, including news reports about sexual violence and explicit TV shows or movies, as well as overstimulating social media.

In conclusion, while the journey to healing may be challenging, there are numerous steps you can take to cope with the lasting effects of trauma and reduce anxiety and fear.